A secret.

Something I felt like sharing today.
If you have ever felt the same, comment in the section below!
I know I am not alone.
It took a lot of courage to write this.
I have never known how to feel about this one.
Still figuring it out.

 Withdrawal.

Its been almost a year and a half.
I haven't gone back to it.
I don't think I will anytime soon.
Something I have been doing since the age of 6.
Twice every week! Sometimes more!
Tours, shows, exams, rehearsals.
Katthak (The Indian Classical Dance Style)
has been a very intricate part of my life.
However, among all the things I did in the past 15 years,
I don't want to even slightly touch that side of my life anymore.

This is the biggest withdrawal I have experienced.
I don't want to see it,
Practice it, or even talk about it.

I know writing has always helped me.
In expressing my every feeling.
This withdrawal is a long one.
What do I do??
Do I still bring myself to do it even though I know I don't want to?
I feel I am supposed to keep practicing it.
Everyone around me tells me so.
But I know I get caught up in the "suppose to's" of life.
I certainly don't want to get caught up in this one.

And I tried. I danced with my ghungrus (Dancing bells we wear at ankles)
But every anxious feeling came flooding back and that was not easy.
Anxious memories came too.
I know not everyone will support this.
Some might say, suck it up!

But making peace with this withdrawal is what I want to do.
I never had to make peace with giving up.
But I made it.
I gave up. Finally.
I gave up struggling and fighting this feeling.
I want to pay attention to it. And take care of it.

I don't say I will never go back.
I will.
I remind myself everyday, that it's just a phase.
A phase of peace,
A phase of taking a break and reviving what it felt like before.
Until me and my body will feel the passion again,
I will embrace my struggle and keep moving on.




P.s: Thank you so much for all the love on my previous episodes. This journey is going to be a long one and I hope we share it together every week. 
Stay tuned for the next episode on next Thursday. Keep showering your love and take care of your health. Physical as well as mental. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. You can also connect to me 
via email-  aishd19@gmail.com 
or via Instagram account name -@callmeaishwarya - https://www.instagram.com/callmeaishwarya/?hl=en

Until then, 
Keep smiling!

Picture by- https://www.nerdycreator.com/blog/say-no/






Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 31, 2019 at 6:13 PM

    Well said.... sometimes for mental peace such withdrawals are needed. Though you can come up with them again in future..
    Break is always needed
    👍😘

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownFebruary 2, 2019 at 5:56 AM

    Dear Aishwarya,Red your blog.Knew your problem.Kaththak dance was a part of your life for so many yrars But now you are tired of it.Even you do notwant to think of it.
    We Indians are proud of ourselves for our old heritage and culture.lt has developed us up to the mark of our present modernity.Though these cultural things are the subject of our pride,they are proper to their own time,their own life style, ideas and emotions.WeMust not stop and stay om that point.The actions and the accompanied songs represent the life styleof the concern age.Now these things seem to be outdated.we must upgrade oursrlves to the mark of our modern life style.
    The lady described in the dance songs ,wating for one smile of her beloved and doing nothing otherwise, does not appeal us now. We do not approved that.
    The solution makes you think and work for the years you have given to the great cultural begining of our arts and sciences .You must sing of a modern lady,struggling and getting success ,who accepts it with cool mind without being excited.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aishwarya DeshpandeFebruary 3, 2019 at 6:00 AM

    Absolutely. As much as I love that dance style, it is difficult to deal with situations that are inspired from the 16th century. In today's world, 21st century, it is impossible for children brought up in this technological era to adopt to these old concepts. As a representative of this era, I also feel that its in the hands of our generation to evolve the art. And I shall not hesitate in contributing towards it. I will feel it again. This phase will pass soon. Thank you for making me believe in it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownFebruary 10, 2019 at 7:46 AM

    Sometimes, you may feel lonely, bored and probably leave all those things, which you have been doing (in great manner) so long.
    Technology or no technology, your creativity is your own asset. Long prevailing virtues donot go away so easily. You have embraced them long back.

    Try a fusion of old nad new things, which might provide you new insight on creativity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aishwarya DeshpandeFebruary 14, 2019 at 2:32 AM

      Thank you for reading kaka! Trying to find a new outlook altogether. Hopefully, will get back soon.

      Delete

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